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KS3 English · Year 7Chapter 10 · Narrative and descriptive writing
Year 7 · Chapter 10

Narrative and descriptive writing

By the end of this chapter you will be able to

  • Plan a narrative with an opening, build-up, climax, resolution and ending
  • Show a setting through sensory detail, rather than by stating an opinion
  • Show a character through actions and dialogue, with correct dialogue punctuation
  • Choose a viewpoint, and control pace and tension with sentence length and paragraphs
  • Edit a draft for spelling, punctuation and clarity, using a checklist

You should already know

  • Narrative writing: beginning, middle and end, and direct speech (Year 6, Chapter 12)
  • Word classes and sentence structure (Chapter 7 of this book)

Where this leads

  • Writing to argue, persuade and analyse (Chapter 11 of this book)
  • Spoken language: presenting, discussing and Standard English (Chapter 12 of this book)

National Curriculum for England, Key Stage 3 English, Year 7. Content: Write narrative and description for pleasure and for information, planning and drafting with a clear purpose (KS3 writing, W1 and W3), Create settings, characters and atmosphere, and choose viewpoint and tension (KS3 writing, W6), Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for effect, and vary pace (KS3 writing, W4), Edit and proofread for accurate spelling and punctuation, including the punctuation of dialogue (KS3 writing, W5).

Exercise P  Do you remember?

1
FWrite the word for the order of a story: the opening, the middle and the ending. Write one word.
2
FWhich punctuation mark goes around the words a character says? Write the name of the marks.
3
FWrite the word for the person from whose point of view a story is told. Write one word.
4
FWhich sentence type shows a strong feeling, and ends with an exclamation mark? Write one word.
5
FWrite one word for the kind of writing that tells a story. Write one word.
10.1

Planning a narrative

Year 7
Plan narrative writing with a clear purpose, audience and structure (KS3 writing, W1 and W3)
Video lesson: Planning a narrativeComing soon
Story. A writer has a week to write a short story for a competition. Before she writes a word, she plans the purpose, the audience and the stages of the plot.

A narrative plan begins with the purpose (to entertain, to thrill, to make the reader feel) and the audience (who will read it). Then plan the stages of the plot. A plot usually has an opening, a build-up in which something goes wrong, a climax (the most tense moment), a resolution and an ending.

StageWhat it does
OpeningSet the scene and introduce the character, with a hook.
Build-upShow the character's goal, and something going wrong.
ClimaxThe moment of greatest tension or change.
ResolutionThe result, and what the character now understands.
EndingA final image that leaves the reader thinking.

Key ideas

  • Plan the purpose and the audience before the plot.
  • The climax is the most tense or important moment, and should come after the build-up.
  • A plan keeps the story in order and stops the writer losing track.
Worked example 10.1.1
In the model narrative, where is the climax?

Method. Find the moment of greatest tension.

  1. Find the tension. Mara is alone, and the torch is failing.
    alone
  2. Find the moment. Somewhere behind her, the gate clanged shut.
    gate clanged shut
  3. Name the climax. The gate closing is the moment of greatest tension.
    the gate closing
  4. Write the answer.
    when Mara hears the gate clang shut

Check. The gate closing is the climax. ✓

Worked example 10.1.2
Which purpose best suits a story for a thriller competition? Choose one: to thrill the reader, to list facts or to persuade a council.

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. A thriller is written to build suspense and thrill the reader.
    to thrill the reader fits
  3. Reject the other choices. Listing facts and persuading a council are different purposes.
    to list facts and to persuade a council do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    to thrill the reader

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.1.3
Plan the opening of a story about a lost dog: what should the first sentence do?

Method. Think about what the reader needs to know first.

  1. Find the hook. A missing dog makes the reader ask a question.
    a question
  2. Choose the opening. Open with the moment the dog is missing.
    the moment
  3. Explain. It hooks the reader straight away.
    hooks the reader
  4. Write the answer.
    hook the reader with the dog missing

Check. The opening hooks the reader. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: a plan is a route, not the story. Keep the plan short, so that the writing has room to develop.

Exam tip

Exam tip. Plan the five stages in a few words each, then decide the climax before you write the opening.

Exercise 10A  Practice: planning a narrative

1
FWhich stage of the plot comes last? Choose one: climax, build-up, opening or resolution.
2
FWhich stage is the most tense moment? Choose one: opening, climax or ending.
3
PSPlan the purpose of a story for a school magazine, in one sentence.
4
PSWrite one plan point for the build-up of a story about a lost key.
5
PSWhich opening is best for a thriller? Choose one: The shed door had swollen in the rain., It was a nice day for a walk. or Once upon a time, there was a shed..
6
FIn the model narrative, which phrase shows the moment Mara sees the lantern? Copy the words.
7
RWhy might a writer plan the ending before the opening? Explain in one sentence.
8
FWhich stage gives the reader a final image that stays in the mind? Choose one: ending, opening or build-up.
9
RDescribe how the model narrative builds tension before the climax, with one example.
10
FWhat is the purpose of a plan? Write one word.
11
PSPlan the climax of a story in which a character must cross a river at night. Write one sentence.
12
RWhy does a story need a resolution, rather than ending at the climax? Explain in one sentence.
10.2

Setting, atmosphere and sensory detail

Year 7
Create settings and atmosphere through sensory detail, rather than by stating an opinion (KS3 writing, W6)
Video lesson: Setting, atmosphere and sensory detailComing soon
Story. A writer is describing a shed in a storm. Her first draft says the shed is scary. Her teacher asks her to show it, through what the reader can see, smell and hear.

Show, do not tell means that the writer lets the reader feel the setting, rather than stating an opinion about it. A sentence such as The shed was scary tells the reader what to think. A sentence such as Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air lets the reader smell the place and decide for themselves.

Key ideas

  • Show: give sensory detail (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste).
  • Tell: state the feeling directly, such as scary or happy.
  • Atmosphere comes from detail, word choice and rhythm, not from labels.
Worked example 10.2.1
Which sentence shows the setting, rather than telling the reader? Choose one: The shed was scary., Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air. or The shed was very old..

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. It gives smell and temperature, so the reader feels the place.
    Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air. fits
  3. Reject the other choices. The other two state an opinion or a fact without detail.
    The shed was scary. and The shed was very old. do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air.

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.2.2
Rewrite The shed was frightening. so that it shows the atmosphere, with one sensory detail.

Method. Replace the label with detail the reader can sense.

  1. Find the label. Frightening is an opinion.
    frightening
  2. Choose a sense. Hearing a hinge creak is a sound detail.
    a creak
  3. Write the sentence. Dust drifted from the rafters, and a loose hinge creaked.
    creaked
  4. Write the answer.
    Dust drifted from the rafters, and a loose hinge creaked.

Check. The sentence shows, rather than tells. ✓

Worked example 10.2.3
Which detail in the model narrative helps the reader smell the shed?

Method. Look for words about smell.

  1. Find the sense. The air smelled of damp sacks and paraffin.
    smelled
  2. Copy the detail. Damp sacks and paraffin are the smell.
    damp sacks and paraffin
  3. Explain. The reader can smell the damp and the fuel.
    the reader can smell
  4. Write the answer.
    damp sacks and paraffin

Check. The smell is quoted and explained. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: showing is not piling on adjectives. Choose one precise sensory detail, rather than five vague ones.

Exam tip

Exam tip. When describing a setting, use at least two senses, and avoid words like nice, scary or very that state an opinion.

Exercise 10B  Practice: setting and sensory detail

1
FWhich sentence shows the room rather than telling the reader? Choose one: The room was cold., Frost crept across the window. or The room was lovely..
2
PSReplace The street was dangerous with a sentence that shows danger, using one sensory detail.
3
FWhich sense does the air smelled of damp sacks use? Choose one: smell, sight or taste.
4
FWhich sentence uses sound to create atmosphere? Choose one: The gate clanged shut., The shed was old. or Mara was tired..
5
FWhich word in the model narrative describes the lantern's place? Copy the word.
6
PSDescribe a kitchen at night, showing the atmosphere with two senses. Write one sentence.
7
FWhich word choice creates the most atmosphere? Choose one: the window, the cracked window or the nice window.
8
RWhy is The shed was very old weaker than a detail about the shed? Explain in one sentence.
9
FWhich word in Frost crept across the window is a verb of movement? Write the word.
10
PSChoose a setting you know, and write one sentence that shows its atmosphere with a sensory detail.
11
RExplain the effect of the phrase as though it were a fragile bird, if it is used to describe a flame. Use one sentence.
12
FWhich is a fact, rather than a sensory detail? Choose one: The shed is 100 years old., Dust hung in the air. or The lamp hissed..
10.3

Showing character through action and dialogue

Year 7
Show character through actions, thoughts and dialogue, using correct punctuation for speech (KS3 writing, W6 and W5)
Video lesson: Showing character through action and dialogueComing soon
Story. A writer wants the reader to know that Mara is brave, without writing the word brave. She decides to show it through what Mara does and says.

A writer can show a character's traits through action (what they do), thoughts (what they think) and dialogue (what they say). In British English, direct speech uses inverted commas (single quotation marks), and the comma or full stop goes inside them: 'Come on,' she whispered.

Key ideas

  • Show character through action and speech, not by naming the trait.
  • Speech punctuation: the spoken words sit inside inverted commas, with a comma, question mark or full stop inside.
  • A new speaker needs a new line.
Worked example 10.3.1
Which sentence shows bravery through action, rather than naming the trait? Choose one: Mara was brave., Mara lifted the torch and stepped into the dark. or Mara was very, very brave..

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. It shows bravery through action that the reader can see.
    Mara lifted the torch and stepped into the dark. fits
  3. Reject the other choices. The other two name the trait, rather than showing it.
    Mara was brave. and Mara was very, very brave. do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    Mara lifted the torch and stepped into the dark.

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.3.2
Punctuate this speech correctly: come on she whispered.

Method. Find the spoken words, then add the marks and the comma.

  1. Find the speech. Come on is spoken.
    Come on
  2. Add the marks. The spoken words sit inside inverted commas.
    inverted commas
  3. Add the comma. A comma goes inside the closing mark before she whispered.
    comma inside
  4. Write the answer.
    'Come on,' she whispered.

Check. The speech is punctuated correctly. ✓

Worked example 10.3.3
What does Mara's action Her fingertips brushed the handle, then slipped show about her?

Method. Look at what she does, then infer.

  1. Find the action. Her fingertips brushed the handle, then slipped.
    brushed
  2. Infer the trait. She reaches, but does not manage it at once.
    does not manage
  3. Explain. So she shows determination, with a nervous slip.
    determined and nervous
  4. Write the answer.
    that she is determined but nervous

Check. The action shows the trait. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: a new speaker starts a new line. Do not run two speakers together in one paragraph.

Exam tip

Exam tip. When you show character, use a specific action or line of speech, and say what it reveals about the character.

Exercise 10C  Practice: character and dialogue

1
FWhich line is punctuated correctly? Choose one: 'Come on,' she whispered., "Come on" she whispered., 'Come on.' she whispered. or Come on, she whispered..
2
FWhich line is punctuated correctly? Choose one: 'Where are you?' asked Mara., 'Where are you'? asked Mara., 'Where are you?, asked Mara. or Where are you? asked Mara..
3
PSShow that Mara is brave, using one action. Write one sentence.
4
FWhich speech tag suits a whispered line? Choose one: whispered, said loudly or shouted.
5
FCopy the speech tag in 'Come on,' she whispered.
6
PSWrite a line of dialogue for Mara that shows she is frightened, with correct punctuation.
7
PSWhich layout is correct for two speakers? Choose one: a new line for each speaker, both speakers on one line or the second speaker in brackets.
8
FWhich sentence reveals a character's thoughts? Choose one: She wondered if the door would open., The door opened. or She opened the door..
9
RWhat does the line I'm not scared, said by Mara, suggest? Explain in one sentence.
10
FWhich word in the model narrative is a speech tag that shows a quiet voice? Copy the word.
11
PSWhich is the correct way to punctuate a question inside speech? Choose one: 'Who is there?' she asked., 'Who is there,' she asked?, 'Who is there?,' she asked. or Who is there? she asked..
12
PSWrite one line of direct speech in which a character reveals a secret, with a speech tag.
13
RExplain how showing a character's action is more effective than stating a trait, in one sentence.
10.4

Viewpoint, pace and tension

Year 7
Choose viewpoint, and control pace and tension with sentence variety and paragraphs (KS3 writing, W4 and W6)
Video lesson: Viewpoint, pace and tensionComing soon
Story. A writer decides whether her narrator will be a character inside the story, or an outside voice. She also decides how quickly the action should move.

The viewpoint is the position the reader sees from. A first-person narrator uses I, and is inside the action. A third-person narrator uses he, she or they, and can see more. Pace is the speed of the story. Short sentences and short paragraphs quicken the pace; long, descriptive sentences slow it.

Key ideas

  • First person: I, from inside the story; the reader knows only what the narrator knows.
  • Third person: he, she or they; the narrator can show more than one character.
  • Short sentences and new paragraphs quicken the pace.
Worked example 10.4.1
Which viewpoint is the model narrative written in, and why does it suit the tension?

Method. Find the pronouns, then say what they allow.

  1. Find the pronouns. The text uses she, her and Mara.
    she, her
  2. Name the viewpoint. It is third person.
    third person
  3. Explain the effect. The reader sees her fear, while the narrator reports her actions.
    sees her fear
  4. Write the answer.
    third person, which lets the reader see Mara's actions and fear

Check. The viewpoint suits the tension. ✓

Worked example 10.4.2
Which sentence quickens the pace most?

Method. Compare the length of each sentence.

  1. Compare the length. The gate clanged shut has four words.
    four words
  2. Compare the other. A long descriptive sentence has many clauses and slows the reader.
    slows the reader
  3. Explain. Short sentences quicken the pace, as the gate closes at once.
    quicken the pace
  4. Write the answer.
    The gate clanged shut.

Check. The short sentence quickens the pace. ✓

Worked example 10.4.3
Which change would increase the tension at the end of a paragraph? Choose one: End on a short, sudden sentence that raises a question, End with a long list of colours or End with a summary of the story.

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. A short ending with a question leaves the reader wanting to read on.
    End on a short, sudden sentence that raises a question fits
  3. Reject the other choices. A long list slows the pace, and a summary removes the tension.
    End with a long list of colours and End with a summary of the story do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    End on a short, sudden sentence that raises a question

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: a first-person narrator cannot know what other characters think. Do not write thoughts you could not know.

Exam tip

Exam tip. To raise tension, shorten sentences, cut detail at the key moment, and end a paragraph on a question or a sudden line.

Exercise 10D  Practice: viewpoint, pace and tension

1
FWhich viewpoint is shown by I stepped into the dark garden? Choose one: first person or third person.
2
FWhich pronoun shows the third person in the model narrative? Choose one: I, she or we.
3
FWhich sentence quickens the pace? Choose one: The gate clanged shut., The gate, which was old and rusted, clanged shut in the wind. or After many long hours of waiting, the gate eventually clanged shut..
4
PSRewrite The door opened. to slow the pace, using a longer sentence with a detail.
5
RWhich paragraph ending would create more tension: "She waited." or "Then the light went out."? Explain in one sentence.
6
RExplain one reason a writer might choose third person over first person.
7
FWhich word tells you the model narrative is in the past tense? Copy the word.
8
PSDescribe a moment of tension in one sentence, using a short sentence to end it.
9
RWhich technique slows a paragraph down most? Choose one: a long list of descriptive details, a single short line of dialogue or a question at the end.
10
RWhy might a writer use a new paragraph for a sudden event? Explain in one sentence.
11
RIn first person, how does the reader learn what the other characters are thinking? Give one answer.
12
FWhich paragraph of the model narrative ends on a question, or a sudden line? Write the number of the paragraph.
10.5

Editing and proofreading a narrative

Year 7
Edit and proofread for accurate spelling and punctuation, and for clarity (KS3 writing, W3 and W5)
Video lesson: Editing and proofreading a narrativeComing soon
Story. A pupil reads her draft aloud, then checks each sentence for spelling, punctuation and clarity. She uses a checklist, not her memory.

Editing means changing the content and clarity of a draft. Proofreading means checking the spelling, punctuation and grammar. A checklist helps: check the viewpoint, the tense, the speech marks, the paragraphs and each apostrophe. Read the piece aloud, because the ear often catches what the eye misses.

Key ideas

  • Edit for purpose, viewpoint, pace and clarity.
  • Proofread for spelling, speech punctuation, apostrophes and full stops.
  • Use a checklist; do not rely on memory.
Worked example 10.5.1
Which version uses the apostrophe correctly for a possessive? Choose one: the lantern's handle, the lanterns handle or the lantern's' handle.

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. A possessive singular noun takes apostrophe s.
    the lantern's handle fits
  3. Reject the other choices. The other two have no apostrophe, or two apostrophes.
    the lanterns handle and the lantern's' handle do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    the lantern's handle

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.5.2
Correct the spelling of definately in a sentence: "It was definately locked."

Method. Check the spelling of the word, then correct it.

  1. Find the word. Definately is misspelled.
    definately
  2. Check the spelling. The correct spelling is definitely.
    definitely
  3. Write the sentence. It was definitely locked.
    definitely locked
  4. Write the answer.
    It was definitely locked.

Check. The spelling is corrected. ✓

Worked example 10.5.3
Edit Mara said come on, she is here. for correct speech punctuation.

Method. Find the spoken words, and mark each speaker.

  1. Find the speech. Come on, and She is here are spoken.
    Come on
  2. Add marks. Each spoken part sits in inverted commas.
    inverted commas
  3. Check the tag. The tag said Mara follows the first speech.
    Mara
  4. Write the answer.
    'Come on,' said Mara. 'She is here.'

Check. The speech is punctuated. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: "its" has no apostrophe when it is possessive (the shed lost its roof), but "it's" means "it is". Check the meaning.

Exam tip

Exam tip. In a proofreading question, mark the error, correct it, and say which rule it breaks.

Exercise 10E  Practice: editing and proofreading

1
FWhich sentence uses its correctly? Choose one: The shed lost its roof in the storm., The shed lost it's roof in the storm., The shed lost its' roof in the storm. or The shed lost is roof in the storm..
2
FWhich sentence uses it's correctly? Choose one: It's getting dark outside., Its getting dark outside., It's not dark outside its. or Its' getting dark outside..
3
FWhich spelling is correct? Choose one: definitely, definately, definatly or definitly.
4
PSWhich spelling is correct? Choose one: separate, seperate, separete or sepperate.
5
PSCorrect the sentence: "The door was open its hinges broke." Write the corrected sentence with a full stop or a semi-colon.
6
PSWhich apostrophe is correct in "the teacher's desk" for one teacher? Choose one: the teacher's desk, the teachers desk, the teachers' desk for one teacher or the teacher's' desk.
7
PSEdit the sentence Mara heard a noise, it was the gate. to fix the punctuation. Write the corrected sentence.
8
RName one checklist item you would use for dialogue, and explain why it matters.
9
FWhich linking word shows that one event comes after another in time? Choose one: then, although or however.
10
PSWhere should the apostrophe go in the room used by many teachers? Write the phrase with the apostrophe in place.
11
RRead a draft aloud. Why is reading aloud useful for proofreading? Explain in one sentence.
12
PSWhich sentence is punctuated correctly? Choose one: The gate clanged shut, and Mara froze., The gate clanged shut and Mara froze,., The gate clanged shut, and Mara froze or The gate clanged shut. and Mara froze..
13
REdit one sentence from the model narrative to make it clearer, and explain the change.

Chapter summary

SkillMethod
PlanPurpose, audience, then five stages: opening, build-up, climax, resolution, ending.
SettingShow through sensory detail; avoid opinions such as scary or lovely.
CharacterShow through action, thought and dialogue; punctuate speech with inverted commas.
ViewpointFirst person (I) is inside the action; third person (he, she, they) can show more.
Pace and tensionShort sentences and paragraphs quicken the pace; end on a sudden line or question.
EditingCheck the viewpoint, tense, speech marks, paragraphs and apostrophes with a checklist.

Can you…?

  • I can plan a narrative with a purpose, an audience and five stages
  • I can show a setting through sensory detail, rather than stating an opinion
  • I can show a character through action and dialogue, with correct speech punctuation
  • I can choose a viewpoint, and control pace and tension
  • I can edit and proofread my writing, using a checklist

Key terms

climax
the most tense or important moment of a story
resolution
the stage when the result of the climax is shown
show, do not tell
letting the reader see or feel something, rather than stating it
sensory detail
a detail that appeals to the senses: sight, sound, smell, touch or taste
first person
a viewpoint using I, from inside the story
third person
a viewpoint using he, she or they
pace
the speed at which a story moves
editing
changing the content and clarity of a draft

Exercise 10Z  Check-up

1
Which stage of the plot is the most tense? Choose one: opening, climax or ending.
2
Which sentence shows the setting rather than telling? Choose one: The shed was scary., Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air. or The shed was lovely..
3
Which line is punctuated correctly? Choose one: 'Come on,' she whispered., "Come on" she whispered., 'Come on.' she whispered. or Come on, she whispered..
4
Which pronoun shows third person in the model narrative? Choose one: I, she or we.
5
Which sentence quickens the pace? Choose one: The gate clanged shut., The gate, which was old, clanged shut in the wind. or After many hours, the gate clanged shut..
6
Show that a character is brave, using one action. Write one sentence.
7
Which spelling is correct? Choose one: definitely, definately, definatly or definitly.
8
Which sentence uses its correctly? Choose one: The shed lost its roof in the storm., The shed lost it's roof in the storm., The shed lost its' roof. or The shed lost is roof..
9
Explain why first person limits what the reader knows.
10
Edit Mara heard a noise, it was the gate. to fix the error. Write the corrected sentence.

Total 15 marks. Allow about 15 minutes.

Exercise 10X  Practice test questions

1
FName the stage of a plot that is the most tense moment. Write one word.[1 mark]
2
PSWhich sentence shows the setting, rather than telling the reader? Choose: "The shed was scary." or "Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air." Write the sentence you choose.[1 mark]
3
FPunctuate this speech correctly: come on she whispered. Write the sentence.[2 marks]
4
FWhich pronoun shows the viewpoint in this sentence: "I stepped into the dark garden"? Write the pronoun.[1 mark]
5
PSRewrite this sentence to show, rather than tell: "The room was frightening." Write one sentence with one sensory detail.[2 marks]
6
FCorrect the spelling in this sentence: "It was definately locked." Write the corrected sentence.[1 mark]
7
RExplain one way the writer builds tension in the model narrative, in one or two sentences.[2 marks]
8
PSShow that a character is nervous, using one action. Write one sentence, with a correctly punctuated line of speech if you wish.[3 marks]
9
PSEdit this sentence to fix the comma splice: "Mara heard a noise, it was the gate." Write the corrected sentence.[2 marks]
← Chapter 9: Word origins, roots and spellingChapter 11: Writing to argue, persuade and analyse →

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