Websink Prep UKKS3 EnglishYear 8 chaptersEnglish textbooksReceptionYear 1Year 2Year 3Year 4Year 5Year 6Year 7Year 8Year 9Browse allPast papersFind a tutorBecome a tutor
KS3 English · Year 8Chapter 10 · Writing narrative: sustained, planned and crafted
Year 8 · Chapter 10

Writing narrative: sustained, planned and crafted

By the end of this chapter you will be able to

  • Plan a narrative with a flashback, placing it so the tension still builds
  • Show a setting through the senses, and choose verbs and adjectives with care
  • Show a character through action and dialogue, and punctuate speech accurately
  • Vary sentence length, and use a short sentence to control pace and tension
  • Edit a draft for viewpoint, tense, speech marks and clarity, using a checklist

You should already know

  • Narrative: beginning, middle and end, and direct speech (Year 7, Chapter 10 of this book)
  • Word classes and sentence structure (Chapter 7 of this book)

Where this leads

  • Writing to argue and evaluate: sustained argument (Chapter 11 of this book)
  • Writing for purpose and audience: articles, letters, reviews and speeches (Chapter 12 of this book)

National Curriculum for England, Key Stage 3 English, Year 8. Content: Plan a sustained narrative, including a flashback and a planned pace (KS3 writing, W1 and W3), Create a setting and atmosphere through sensory detail, and avoid stating opinions (KS3 writing, W6), Show character through action and dialogue, with correct speech punctuation (KS3 writing, W5 and W6), Control tension, viewpoint and sentence variety for effect (KS3 writing, W4 and W6), Draft, edit and proofread a narrative using a checklist (KS3 writing, W3 and W5).

Exercise P  Do you remember?

1
FWrite the word for the most tense or important moment of a story. Write one word.
2
FWrite the punctuation mark that goes at the end of a line of speech that asks a question. Write the mark only.
3
FWrite the word for a story told by someone who says I. Write one word.
4
FWrite the word for a sentence that describes how the air smells, looks or sounds. Write one word.
5
FWrite the word for a moment in a story when the story goes back to an earlier time. Write one word.
10.1

Planning a sustained narrative

Year 8
Plan a sustained narrative, including a flashback and a planned pace (KS3 writing, W1 and W3)
Video lesson: Planning a sustained narrativeComing soon
Story. A student plans a 500-word story for a short story competition. She plans her five stages in advance, and she decides where a flashback will go, so that the tension still builds.

Model narrative: the lighthouse (original; read it, then answer the questions)

1The lighthouse cottage smelled of paraffin and wet wool. Ivy pressed against the single window, and the wind, which had been rising since noon, rattled the latch as if it wanted to be let in.

2Tomas had lit the lamp at dusk, as he always did. Now he sat at the table with his cold tea and listened for the boat. It was late. Somewhere out on the black water, a light bobbed, then went out.

3He remembered the summer his brother had gone to sea. They had stood on this same rock, waving until the white sail dipped behind the headland. 'Come back before the herring run,' Pieter had shouted, laughing, and he had never come back at all.

4The door banged. Tomas was on his feet before he knew it, his heart hammering against his ribs. A figure stood in the doorway, dripping and grey-faced, one hand gripping the frame.

5'Tomas,' the man said quietly. 'It's me.'

6Tomas did not move. The lamp hissed. Outside, the sea went on breaking against the rocks, as if nothing at all had happened.

StageWhat it does
OpeningSet the scene and hook the reader, with a question or a strange detail.
Build-upShow the character's situation and a rising sense of unease.
FlashbackStep back in time for one or two paragraphs, to explain the present.
ClimaxThe moment of greatest tension: the door banging, the figure in the doorway.
ResolutionThe result, and the reader's final image: the sea breaking on the rocks.

Key ideas

  • A plan fixes the purpose, the audience and the stages before the first draft.
  • A flashback is a step back in time. Place it where it explains the present, not where it stops the tension.
  • Planned pace means deciding which parts are quick and which are slow, and where the climax falls.
Worked example 10.1.1
Where should the flashback go in the model, and why?

Method. Find the place where the reader needs the background.

  1. Find the present. Tomas is waiting for the boat.
    listened for the boat
  2. Find the need. The reader needs to know why he is waiting.
    why he is waiting
  3. Place the flashback. It goes after the waiting, to explain the brother.
    after the lamp is lit, to explain the boat and the brother
  4. Write the answer.
    after the lamp is lit, to explain the boat and the brother

Check. The placement is justified. ✓

Worked example 10.1.2
Which pace suits the climax of a story? Choose one: short sentences and a sudden event, long descriptions of the weather or a list of dates.

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. Short sentences quicken the pace, and a sudden event creates tension at the climax.
    short sentences and a sudden event fits
  3. Reject the other choices. Long descriptions and lists slow the pace, which lowers tension at the climax.
    long descriptions of the weather and a list of dates do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    short sentences and a sudden event

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.1.3
Plan the purpose and audience of a story for a school magazine, in one sentence.

Method. Name the purpose, then the audience.

  1. Name the purpose. To thrill, with a mystery.
    thrill
  2. Name the audience. Younger pupils in the school.
    younger pupils
  3. Write the answer.
    to thrill younger pupils with a mystery that is solved by the end

Check. The purpose and audience are stated. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: a flashback that is too long stops the story. Keep it short, and return to the present quickly.

Exam tip

Exam tip. Plan the climax first. Then plan the build-up so that the reader is ready for it.

Exercise 10A  Practice: planning a sustained narrative

1
FWhich stage comes after the climax in the model? Choose one: the resolution, with the sea breaking on the rocks, the opening, with the cottage, the flashback, with Pieter or the build-up, with the wind.
2
FIn the model, which is the climax? Choose one: the door banged and a figure stood in the doorway, the cottage smelled of paraffin, Tomas had lit the lamp or the summer was long ago.
3
FWhich paragraph of the model is the flashback? Choose one: He remembered the summer his brother had gone to sea., Tomas had lit the lamp at dusk., The door banged. or The lamp hissed..
4
FWhich sentence shows a planned pace that speeds up? Choose one: The door banged. Tomas was on his feet., The wind rattled the latch as if it wanted to be let in., He remembered the summer his brother had gone to sea. or Tomas had lit the lamp at dusk..
5
PSPlan the first stage of a story, the opening, in one sentence.
6
PSWhich is the best reason to plan the climax before the opening? Choose one: so the build-up can prepare the reader for it, so the title is clear, so the story is shorter or so the spelling is correct.
7
PSWhere should the flashback be placed to keep the tension rising? Choose one: after the reader wonders why Tomas waits, at the very start, before any setting, at the very end, after the final line or in the middle of the climax.
8
RExplain why the model returns to the present after the flashback.
9
PSWhich audience is the model written for? Choose one: a general reader who enjoys suspense, a bus timetable reader, a chemistry teacher or a council officer.
10
PSWrite one plan point for the build-up of a story about a lost dog.
11
RWhich pace suits a quiet moment before the climax? Choose one: longer sentences that build a sense of waiting, a list of very short fragments, a question after every line or no sentences at all.
12
RExplain how planning a timeline helps a writer avoid losing track of a flashback.
13
RWhich is the best reason to write the purpose of a story before the plot? Choose one: it guides every choice of detail and tone, it makes the plot longer, it removes the need for a title or it lets you skip the climax.
14
RChallenge: plan a narrative with a flashback, naming the opening, the flashback, the climax and the ending in one line each.
10.2

Setting and sensory detail

Year 8
Create a setting and atmosphere through sensory detail, and avoid stating opinions (KS3 writing, W6)
Video lesson: Setting and sensory detailComing soon
Story. A writer wants the reader to feel the cold, the damp and the danger of the lighthouse, without writing that it is scary. Sensory detail lets the reader feel the setting for themselves.

Compare "The cottage was creepy" with "The cottage smelled of paraffin and wet wool". The second shows the reader the setting.

Key ideas

  • Sensory detail appeals to the five senses: sight, sound, smell, touch and taste.
  • Show a setting through detail, not through an opinion such as creepy or lovely.
  • Choose precise verbs and adjectives, such as rattled and hammering, rather than vague ones such as went or big.
Worked example 10.2.1
Which sense does "smelled of paraffin and wet wool" use?

Method. Look for the word that names the sense.

  1. Find the verb. Smelled is a verb of smell.
    smelled
  2. Find the objects. Paraffin and wet wool are smells.
    paraffin and wet wool
  3. Name the sense. The sense is smell.
    smell
  4. Write the answer.
    smell

Check. The sense is smell. ✓

Worked example 10.2.2
Which sentence shows the setting rather than telling the reader? Choose one: The lighthouse was scary., The lamp hissed in the cold, damp room. or The cottage was lovely..

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. Hissed, cold and damp show the setting through sound and touch, without an opinion.
    The lamp hissed in the cold, damp room. fits
  3. Reject the other choices. Scary and lovely are opinions, not details that the reader can sense.
    The lighthouse was scary. and The cottage was lovely. do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    The lamp hissed in the cold, damp room.

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.2.3
Improve the vague verb in "The wind went round the cottage."

Method. Replace the vague verb with one that shows the sound or force.

  1. Find the vague verb. Went is vague.
    went
  2. Choose a sharper verb. Rattled shows sound and force.
    rattled
  3. Write the sentence. The wind rattled round the cottage.
    The wind rattled round the cottage.
  4. Write the answer.
    rattled

Check. The verb is sharper. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: adjectives such as scary or lovely tell the reader what to feel. Show the detail, and let the reader feel it.

Exam tip

Exam tip. Pick one sense for each paragraph of setting. Then choose one precise verb and one precise noun for it.

Exercise 10B  Practice: setting and sensory detail

1
FName the sense in "the lamp hissed", and say what effect it has.
2
FCopy the words that show the wind was rising.
3
FWhich sentence shows a setting rather than an opinion? Choose one: Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air., The place was horrible., The lighthouse was beautiful. or Everything felt creepy..
4
FWhich verb is most precise for the wind on a window? Choose one: rattled, went, was or had.
5
FWhich adjective is an opinion, not a sensory detail? Choose one: lovely, cold, damp or grey.
6
PSName the technique in "as if it wanted to be let in", and explain its effect.
7
FCopy the words that give the sound of the sea.
8
PSWhich sentence uses sensory detail to show a cold room? Choose one: His breath hung in the cold air., The room was cold and I did not like it., It was a horrible room. or The room was boring..
9
PSWrite one sensory sentence about a harbour at dawn, using one sense other than sight.
10
PSWhich verb is precise and shows sound, rather than movement? Choose one: creaked, moved, went or got.
11
RName the technique in "rattled the latch", and explain the effect.
12
FCopy the phrase that describes the damp smell in the cottage.
13
RWhich is the best way to show a character is afraid, using a setting? Choose one: the light shook as her hand trembled, she was very afraid, she felt terrible or the story was frightening.
14
RExplain why a writer might avoid the adjective "scary" in a description of a ghost house.
15
RChallenge: write a setting sentence for a cave using two senses and no opinion.
10.3

Character through action and dialogue

Year 8
Show character through action and dialogue, with correct speech punctuation (KS3 writing, W5 and W6)
Video lesson: Character through action and dialogueComing soon
Story. A character can be shown by what they do and what they say. Tomas does not say he is afraid; he grips the table, and he does not move. Dialogue is punctuated carefully, with inverted commas and a new line for each speaker.

In the model: "Tomas," the man said quietly. "It's me." The speech is in inverted commas, and the speech tag comes after the first part.

Key ideas

  • Show a character through action, thought and dialogue, rather than stating the feeling.
  • Inverted commas (quotation marks) go around the words a character says.
  • Put a comma, question mark or exclamation mark inside the closing inverted commas when a speech tag follows.
  • Start a new line each time the speaker changes.
Worked example 10.3.1
How is Tomas's fear shown without naming it?

Method. Look for an action that shows the feeling.

  1. Find the action. Tomas did not move.
    did not move
  2. Find the detail. His heart hammers against his ribs.
    hammering
  3. Name the way. The fear is shown through stillness and a racing heart.
    stillness
  4. Write the answer.
    he grips the table and does not move

Check. The fear is shown through action. ✓

Worked example 10.3.2
Which line of speech is punctuated correctly? Choose one: 'Come back before the herring run,' Pieter shouted., Come back before the herring run, Pieter shouted. or 'Come back before the herring run' Pieter shouted..

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. The speech is in inverted commas, with the comma inside them before the speech tag.
    'Come back before the herring run,' Pieter shouted. fits
  3. Reject the other choices. The other lines miss the inverted commas or miss the comma before the speech tag.
    Come back before the herring run, Pieter shouted. and 'Come back before the herring run' Pieter shouted. do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    'Come back before the herring run,' Pieter shouted.

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.3.3
What is the speech tag in "'It's me,' he said"?

Method. Find the words that say who speaks.

  1. Find the speech. It's me is the spoken line.
    It's me
  2. Find the tag. He said tells the reader who speaks.
    he said
  3. Name it. The speech tag is he said.
    he said
  4. Write the answer.
    he said

Check. The speech tag is he said. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: do not place the speech tag and the words in a way that loses the punctuation. Each change of speaker needs a new line.

Exam tip

Exam tip. Show the feeling in an action first. Use dialogue to show what the speaker wants, not only what they feel.

Exercise 10C  Practice: action, dialogue and speech punctuation

1
FCopy the words of the line the man speaks to Tomas.
2
FWhich is correct speech punctuation? Choose one: "Come on," she whispered., "Come on, she whispered., Come on," she whispered. or "Come on" she whispered..
3
FWhich line shows a change of speaker correctly? Choose one: a new line for the second speaker, the same line for every speaker, no quotation marks at all or a full stop after every word.
4
FWhich sentence shows fear through action? Choose one: Her hands shook as she tried the handle., She was terrified., She felt nervous and sad. or She was a frightened person..
5
PSWhich is punctuated correctly? Choose one: "Is anyone there?" she asked., "Is anyone there" she asked., "Is anyone there?", she asked. or "Is anyone there? she asked..
6
PSWhich is punctuated correctly? Choose one: He said, "Wait here.", He said "Wait here"., He said, "Wait here. or He said "Wait here..
7
PSWrite a line of dialogue that shows a character is hiding something, with one speech tag.
8
PSWhich action best shows nervousness? Choose one: he rubbed the back of his neck, he was very nervous, he felt sick or he was not calm.
9
PSWhich word is a speech tag? Choose one: whispered, Come, dark or lantern.
10
RExplain how dialogue shows character, in one sentence.
11
RWhich sentence has correct punctuation for two speakers? Choose one: "Who is there?" asked Tomas. "Only me," said Pieter., "Who is there?" asked Tomas "Only me," said Pieter., "Who is there," asked Tomas. "Only me." said Pieter. or "Who is there?", asked Tomas. "Only me," said Pieter.
12
RShow a character's guilt through action in one sentence.
13
RWhich speech tag shows the speaker is angry? Choose one: snapped, said, asked or replied.
14
RChallenge: write a short exchange of two lines of dialogue between two characters, with correct punctuation and a new line for each speaker.
10.4

Viewpoint, tension, sentence variety and editing

Year 8
Control tension, viewpoint and sentence variety for effect, and draft, edit and proofread (KS3 writing, W3, W4, W5 and W6)
Video lesson: Viewpoint, tension, sentence variety and editingComing soon
Story. A writer edits a draft in three passes: the viewpoint and tense, then the sentences and the tension, and finally the spelling and the punctuation. Each pass uses a checklist.

The model uses a close third-person viewpoint: the narrator says he and Tomas, and reports what Tomas remembers and feels.

Key ideas

  • Viewpoint is who tells the story and how close the reader is to them.
  • Varied sentence length controls pace: short sentences speed up, long sentences slow down.
  • Edit in passes: viewpoint and tense first, then sentences and tension, then spelling and punctuation.
Worked example 10.4.1
What is the viewpoint of the model?

Method. Look at the pronouns and the thoughts shown.

  1. Find the pronouns. The narration uses he and Tomas.
    he
  2. Check the closeness. The reader knows what Tomas remembers and feels.
    remembered
  3. Name the viewpoint. It is close third person, on Tomas.
    close third person
  4. Write the answer.
    close third person, on Tomas

Check. The viewpoint is named. ✓

Worked example 10.4.2
Which sentence speeds up the pace? Choose one: The door banged., The wind, which had been rising since noon, rattled the latch. or Tomas had lit the lamp at dusk, as he always did..

Method. Test each choice against the sentence or the text.

  1. Read what the question asks for. Decide what the sentence or the text needs.
  2. Test the choice. A short sentence with a sudden event speeds the pace at the climax.
    The door banged. fits
  3. Reject the other choices. The other sentences are long and slow the pace, which fits the build-up.
    The wind, which had been rising since noon, rattled the latch. and Tomas had lit the lamp at dusk, as he always did. do not fit
  4. Write the answer.
    The door banged.

Check. The choice fits the sentence or the text. ✓

Worked example 10.4.3
What is the effect of "The lamp hissed."?

Method. Think about the final image.

  1. Find the sentence. The lamp hissed is the last short sentence.
    The lamp hissed
  2. Explain the effect. It leaves a quiet, unsettling image.
    unsettling
  3. Name the effect. It ends the scene with a quiet, unsettling image.
    it ends the scene with a quiet, unsettling image
  4. Write the answer.
    it ends the scene with a quiet, unsettling image

Check. The effect is explained. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: a shifting viewpoint can confuse the reader. Keep one viewpoint for each scene, unless you show the change clearly.

Exam tip

Exam tip. Edit in three passes, and tick off each item on the checklist before the next pass.

Exercise 10D  Practice: viewpoint, tension and editing

1
FWhich viewpoint is the model written from? Choose one: close third person, second person, a list or the first person plural.
2
FWhich tense is most of the model in? Choose one: past tense, future tense, present perfect only or imperative.
3
FCopy the sentence that is the shortest in the climax.
4
PSName the technique in "The lamp hissed", and say what effect it has on the pace.
5
PSWhich edit fixes a shifted viewpoint? Choose one: keep the narration on Tomas throughout the scene, switch to the boat's point of view mid-scene without a signal, add a new character each paragraph or remove the speech marks.
6
PSWhich is the best checklist item for the first editing pass? Choose one: check the viewpoint and the tense, check the title only, check the number of paragraphs only or check the font.
7
PSWhich sentence has the most variety for pace? Choose one: Tomas waited. The wind rattled the latch, as if it wanted to be let in. The door banged., Tomas waited. Tomas waited. Tomas waited., The wind rattled. The door banged. The lamp hissed. or Tomas waited, and he waited, and he waited..
8
RName one error to check for in the second editing pass, and say why it matters.
9
RWhich change best improves the tension of a paragraph? Choose one: end the paragraph on a short sentence that hangs, end the paragraph with a long list of facts, end with the weather report or end with a bracket of notes.
10
RExplain how a writer keeps tension while moving from the present to a flashback and back.
11
PSWhich is the correct spelling of a word from the model? Choose one: paraffin, parafin, paraffine or parrafin.
12
PSWhich is the correct spelling of a word from the model? Choose one: hammering, hammerring, hamering or hamerring.
13
RWrite one sentence that a writer might revise to add more tension, and show the change.
14
RWhich is the best checklist item for the final pass? Choose one: check each word for spelling and each sentence for punctuation, read the title only, count the paragraphs only or change the viewpoint without a reason.
15
RChallenge: explain how you would edit a paragraph of your own story in three passes.

Chapter summary

SkillMethod

Can you…?

    Key terms

    Exercise 10Z  Check-up

    1
    Name the sense in "smelled of paraffin and wet wool", and explain its effect.
    2
    Which sentence shows a setting without an opinion? Choose one: Damp sacks and paraffin hung in the cold air., The lighthouse was scary., It was a lovely cottage. or The place was dreadful..
    3
    Which speech is punctuated correctly? Choose one: "Come on," she whispered., "Come on, she whispered., Come on," she whispered. or "Come on" she whispered..
    4
    Which is the flashback in the model? Choose one: He remembered the summer his brother had gone to sea., Tomas had lit the lamp at dusk., The door banged. or The lamp hissed..
    5
    Which sentence speeds the pace at a climax? Choose one: The door banged., Tomas had lit the lamp at dusk, as he always did., The wind rattled the latch. or The cottage smelled of paraffin..
    6
    Show a character's nervousness through an action, in one sentence.
    7
    What is the viewpoint of the model? Choose one: close third person, on Tomas, first person plural, second person or a list.
    8
    Which is the best reason to plan the climax first? Choose one: the build-up can prepare the reader for it, the title is shorter, the story is longer or the spelling is easier.
    9
    Which is the correct spelling? Choose one: definitely, definately, definatly or defiantly.
    10
    Explain one reason to use a short sentence at the climax of a story.

    Total 18 marks. Allow about 18 minutes.

    Exercise 10X  Practice test questions

    1
    FName the most tense moment of a story, and write one word.[1 mark]
    2
    PSShow that a character is afraid, using one action, in one sentence. Do not name the feeling.[2 marks]
    3
    FPunctuate this speech correctly: come on she whispered. Write the sentence.[2 marks]
    4
    RExplain how the setting in "The cottage smelled of paraffin and wet wool" creates atmosphere, in one or two sentences.[2 marks]
    5
    FName the viewpoint of this sentence: "Tomas did not move." Write the viewpoint.[1 mark]
    6
    RExplain the effect of the short sentence "The door banged." at the climax of a story, in one sentence.[2 marks]
    7
    PSWrite a sentence of dialogue with one speech tag, in which the speaker hides a feeling.[3 marks]
    8
    FName the stage of a plot in which the reader learns the background, through a step back in time.[1 mark]
    9
    RExplain how a writer can keep a flashback from stopping the tension of the present. Give one way.[2 marks]
    10
    PSEdit this sentence to fix the comma splice: "It was late, the boat was gone." Write the corrected sentence.[2 marks]
    ← Chapter 9: Word origins, etymology and vocabulary choiceChapter 11: Writing to argue and evaluate: sustained argument →

    Websink Prep UK is an independent site. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by or sponsored by AQA, Pearson Edexcel, OCR, WJEC, Eduqas, CCEA, SQA, GL Assessment, CEM or the Department for Education. All exam board names and trademarks belong to their owners. Past papers are linked from the exam boards' own websites and are not hosted here.

    About Websink Prep UK · Find a tutor · Privacy · Terms · Cookie settings