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Primary English · Year 4Chapter 11 · Writing stories
Year 4 English · Writing stories · Lesson 11.2

Year 4 English: Building tension

Part of the Year 4 English writing stories chapter. Chapter overview · whole chapter on one page

11.2

Building tension

Year 4
Build tension in a narrative with short sentences, precise verbs and a delayed answer (WC2, WC4), Choose varied vocabulary that suits the mood of a story (WC2)
Story. Freya has been sent to the old boathouse to fetch a torch. The door is stiff, the air smells of wet wood, and she is not sure that she is alone.

Tension is the feeling of worry or suspense that a reader has while waiting to find out what will happen. A writer builds tension slowly. They show small signs of danger, use short sentences to make the reader pause, choose precise verbs such as crept or groaned instead of plain verbs, and delay the answer to a question, so that the reader keeps reading.

Read the text in the box, and look at the tension curve. Then answer the questions in exercise 11B.

The Boathouse

The boathouse was silent. Freya pushed the heavy door, and it groaned on its hinges. Somewhere in the dark, water lapped against the wooden posts.

She reached for the torch, but the battery had gone flat. A soft scrape came from the corner. Freya froze. The scrape came again, closer this time.

Her heart thudded in her ears. She took one slow step forward, and the floorboards creaked beneath her feet.

tensionOpeningBuild-upProblemResolutionEnding
A sketch of tension in a story: it rises to the problem and falls after the resolution

Key ideas

  • Tension builds slowly, with small signs of danger.
  • A very short sentence makes the reader pause, as at a moment of shock.
  • Precise verbs and sound words add to the mood, such as groaned and scrape.
  • Delaying the answer to a question keeps the reader reading.
Worked example 11.2.1
Why is the sentence Freya froze. written as a sentence on its own?

Method. Think about how a very short sentence is read.

  1. Find the short sentence. Freya froze. has only two words.
    Freya froze.
  2. Read it aloud in your head. A very short sentence makes the reader stop for a moment.
    a pause
  3. Link it to the mood. The pause shows that Freya is frightened and still.
    frightened and still
  4. Write the answer.
    It makes the reader pause at the moment Freya is frightened.

Check. The short sentence slows the reader down. ✓

Worked example 11.2.2
Rewrite the flat sentence The door opened. so that it builds tension.

Method. Replace plain words with slow, precise ones, and add a sound.

  1. Find the plain words. Opened is a plain verb, and the door is not described.
    The door opened.
  2. Choose a precise verb. Creaked gives a sound and suggests something old.
    creaked
  3. Add a slow, careful detail. Slowly and a little show the door moving carefully.
    Slowly, ... a little
  4. Write the answer.
    Slowly, the heavy door creaked open a little.

Check. The new sentence gives a sound and a slow movement. ✓

Worked example 11.2.3
Put these four sentences in order, from the least tense to the most tense. Her heart thudded in her ears. Freya heard nothing. A soft scrape came from the corner. The torch was empty.

Method. Build the tension step by step, so that each sentence is more worrying than the one before.

  1. Find the calmest sentence. Freya heard nothing, so there is no danger yet.
    Freya heard nothing
  2. Find the next step. An empty torch makes her more worried.
    The torch was empty
  3. Find the most tense sentence. A soft scrape and a pounding heart show danger close by.
    A soft scrape ... thudded in her ears
  4. Write the answer.
    Freya heard nothing. The torch was empty. A soft scrape came from the corner. Her heart thudded in her ears.

Check. Each sentence adds more worry than the one before. ✓

Watch out

Watch out: tension comes from the reader waiting and wondering, not from writing "It was scary". Show the danger, and let the reader feel it.

Exam tip

Grown-up tip. Read a short, safe, mysterious passage together. Ask: "Which sentence made you want to read on? Why?" Ask your child to find one short sentence and one slow verb.

Exercise 11B  Practice: building tension

1
FCopy the short sentence that makes the reader pause.
2
FWhat had gone flat, so that Freya cannot use the torch?
3
FWhich verb shows the sound the door makes as Freya pushes it?
4
FWhat does the scrape do the second time? Write your answer in your own words.
5
FCopy the words that describe how Freya moves forward.
6
FComplete the sentence: Something ____ across the floor in the dark. Choose crept, walked or skipped.
7
FWhich sentence builds more tension about the door? Choose one of these:
  1. The door was open.
  2. The door creaked open, just a crack.
8
RFreya is not told what made the scrape. Why does the writer leave this unanswered? Answer in one sentence.
9
PSRewrite She was scared. so that the reader feels the fear. Use a body feeling or an action.
10
PSName two things in the first paragraph that build tension.
11
PSWrite one sentence that adds a sound to build the tension in the boathouse.

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