Year 5 English · Writing stories and poems · Lesson 11.6
Year 5 English: Evaluating, editing and performing your writing
Part of the Year 5 English writing stories and poems chapter. Chapter overview · whole chapter on one page
11.6
Evaluating, editing and performing your writing
Story. Ruby has drafted a story. She reads it aloud to a partner and listens for places where the words repeat, where the sentences are all the same length, and where the story jumps. She marks each change, then reads the story again with the right tone and pace.
Key ideas
- Edit: check the meaning, the order and the words; then check the spelling and punctuation.
- Cohesion: make links between sentences, such as first, then, however or at last.
- Read aloud: use a clear voice, the right pace, and pause at full stops and commas.
- Give a partner a positive comment and one question.
Worked example 11.6.1
Which word would link the two sentences best: The gate was open. The dog ran out. Choose: first, then or later?
Method. Think about the order of events.
- Read the sentences. The gate opened, and then the dog ran out.order
- Choose the link. Then shows the next event in order.then
- Write the answer. then
Check. Then. ✓
Worked example 11.6.2
How could you improve The dog ran. The dog ran. The dog ran.?
Method. Look for repeated words and change some.
- Find the repeat. The dog ran is repeated.repeated
- Vary the words. Use a different verb each time.dashed
- Write the answer. vary the words, e.g. The dog ran. It dashed, raced and bolted.
Check. Vary the verb. ✓
Worked example 11.6.3
Which change helps the reader most: a long list of adjectives, or one precise verb?
Method. Think about clarity.
- Compare. One precise verb shows the action clearly.precise
- Choose. A precise verb is the stronger change.one precise verb
- Write the answer. one precise verb
Check. One precise verb. ✓
Exercise 11F Practice: editing and performing
1
FChoose the best linking word: We reached the top. ____, we ate our lunch.
Then
Method. Think about the order.
- Read. The lunch comes after reaching the top.after
- Choose. Then.Then
- Write the answer. Then
Check. Then. ✓
2
FImprove this sentence by changing a repeated word: It was big. It was big. It was big.
Accept any sentence with varied words, such as It was huge, enormous and vast.
Method. Find a synonym for big.
- Find synonyms. Huge, enormous, vast.huge
- Write. It was huge, enormous and vast.huge
- Write the answer. Accept any sentence with varied words, such as It was huge, enormous and vast.
Check. Varied words. ✓
3
PSWhich sentence has a better ending: And then it was over or The gate closed softly behind us?
The gate closed softly behind us
Method. Which gives a clearer last image?
- Compare. The gate closing gives a picture.picture
- Choose. The gate closed softly.closed softly
- Write the answer. The gate closed softly behind us
Check. The gate closed softly. ✓
4
PSWhich word would fix the meaning of Sam went to the shop. Then went home.?
Sam went home
Method. Make the subject clear.
- Find the problem. Then went has no subject.no subject
- Fix it. Sam went home.Sam went home
- Write the answer. Sam went home
Check. Sam went home. ✓
5
PSWhich is a cohesive link to start a paragraph that follows on: However or Meanwhile?
Meanwhile
Method. Think about how the second paragraph follows on.
- Check the meaning. Meanwhile shows something happening at the same time.same time
- Choose. Meanwhile is a good link when two things happen together.Meanwhile
- Write the answer. Meanwhile
Check. Meanwhile. ✓
6
PSName one thing to check when you read your writing aloud to make it clear.
Accept any: pace, pauses at full stops, clear voice, or tone
Method. Think about what helps a listener.
- Think. A listener needs the pace and pauses to follow.pace
- Name. Pace and pauses.pace
- Write the answer. Accept any: pace, pauses at full stops, clear voice, or tone
Check. A useful check. ✓
7
PSRead this sentence aloud with a question tone: Are you coming? Which tone do you use?
a rising tone at the end
Method. Think about how a question sounds.
- Think. A question usually rises at the end.rises
- Choose. A rising tone.rising tone
- Write the answer. a rising tone at the end
Check. A rising tone. ✓
8
PSWhich word should be spoken more quietly in a story: shouted or whispered?
whispered
Method. Think about volume.
- Think. Whispered means softly.softly
- Choose. Whispered.whispered
- Write the answer. whispered
Check. Whispered. ✓
9
REdit this sentence to improve its cohesion: We walked to the park. We played on the swings.
Accept any answer that links the two sentences with a cohesive word or phrase, such as then, after that or next. For example: We walked to the park, and then we played on the swings.
Method. Choose a word that shows the order of events.
- Choose a link. Then shows the order.then
- Write the sentence. We walked to the park, and then we played on the swings.and then
- Write the answer. We walked to the park, and then we played on the swings.
Check. The link improves the sentence. ✓
10
RGive a partner feedback on a poem: one thing that works, and one question about the meaning.
Accept any answer that gives a positive comment and a question linked to the poem. For example: I liked the simile about the moon. Why did you choose the word silent for the street?
Method. Be kind, specific and helpful.
- Positive comment. The image works well.works well
- Question. Why did you choose this word?Why did you choose
- Write the answer. I liked the simile about the moon. Why did you choose the word silent for the street?
Check. Feedback with a question. ✓
11
RDescribe how you would perform your own poem to an audience.
Accept any answer that describes voice, pace, pauses or tone for the performance. For example: Speak clearly, slow down for the pauses, use a lower tone for the calm lines and a louder voice for the strong lines
Method. Think about how to make the audience hear the rhythm.
- Voice. Use a clear voice.clear voice
- Pace and tone. Slow down for calm lines; speak louder for strong ones.pace
- Write the answer. Speak clearly, slow down for the pauses, use a lower tone for the calm lines and a louder voice for the strong lines
Check. The performance plan is clear. ✓